Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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