dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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