you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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