that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
