I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
