ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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