My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
