they need to just BURY HIM!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
