The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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