He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
