i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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