what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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