I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
