drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
