My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
