I faked an abortion last night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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