i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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