In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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