So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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