the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
