i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All the doctor said was why
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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