my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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