you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
