"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
