I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
