I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
