I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
