omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
