your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
