I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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