he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
