just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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