Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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