Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
