so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
