Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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