I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
