Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
