My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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