i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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