I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
