East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A+ Viking dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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