i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
