last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
