just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
