Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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