She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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