Define "chronic" masturbator.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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