Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I enjoy the company of your penis
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
