i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
