Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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