I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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