The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
