i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize