Dual....:-)
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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