Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
