my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
