I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
