don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
