Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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