This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
