I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize