I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
