is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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