hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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