Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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