We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
