508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
