Do vagina's smell?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
