I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
