If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
