I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
