apparently the secret to your success is patron
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize