Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
